3 reasons why I need to be very mindful in this season of my life

When I said f*ck you to diet culture, I swung to the verrryyy other side of the pendulum and landed in the body love + body acceptance camp.

Which sounds lovely, right?

It was + it wasn’t.

Although I’m super grateful for fat liberation + intuitive eating, what began to happen was actually pretty self-destructive for me.

My inner rebel was unlocked, and I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and as much as I wanted.

AND, I didn’t feel good.

At all.

Another thing that happened, was that I started to pick up the belief that wanting to lose ANY weight was oh so very “bad.”*

I was talking to my wise, grounded husband (Hi, babe!) about this, and he said, "Danielle, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight.”

Oh.

Relief.

Peace.

He’s so right. It is totally okay to desire shedding weight off my body!

I’m not the woman I was 10 years ago. I’m not doing this for outward approval + acceptance.

I’m doing this because 1) I have so much to offer this big, beautiful world and I want to be lit up as f*ck doing it!! 2) my beloved body deserves to feel SO vibrant!

AND, because I’m a recovering chronic dieter with a dysfunctional eating history, I have to tread very, very, very gently with this.

Here are the 3 reasons why I need to be very mindful of losing weight in this season of my life:

1. Toxic thought patterns can and do creep in. Neural pathways can be a b*tch. Thirty years of highways in my brain have been grooooved to give me a wee 🤏🏻 bit of a challenge. Old sh*t can, and has come up.

2. Scales are triggering for me. They have always been a symbol of shame, dread + embarrassment. But, I’m taking back my power. I’m training my brain to no longer feel like sh*t when I step on a scale OR to do bullet #3 ⬇️.

3. Not eating enough. A friend called me out on this back in 2012, and then again just last week (SO vulnerable to share that with you all - but again, my hope with my Substack is to let others know they are not alone).
   

   1. Here’s what happens….bullet #2 ⬆️ happens. Let’s say I jump on the scale one morning, and it shows I’m down a bit. I have to be VERY, VERY careful as to unconsciously not eat, so that tomorrow I can see if I lost more weight. It’s like a game. (I didn’t even consciously acknowledge I was doing it until my friend called me out on it. She intuitively knew.)

   2. I know why I was doing it. See bullet #1, and bullet #2.

      
      Note: As I shared, previously, I’m on a medicine that helps control my blood sugar + shed access weight. This medicine levels out my appetite, so you can see why it would be easy for me to fall into this pattern.

Compassion.

So much self-compassion.

Just like Strawberry Shortcake would offer me, I’m sure of it. 🍰🍓

I’m only human.

And, healing isn’t linear. 🎢

As I’m releasing the no longer needed weight from my body, I have to breathe into my entire being and remember,

“I’m beloved and worthy because I’m me, not because of the size of my body or how pretty the world thinks I am/am not.”

My body journey has now led me to a 🌀 spiraling in to myself (and letting go of swinging from one side of the pendulum to the other). I’m putting it all down and doing what is best for me and healing every part of me.

On this journey of becoming well, I will:

✨ have more sparkly + lit up life force energy to make an impact

🫀 support my beautiful body + heart

👜 release not only physical baggage from my body, but emotional, too (that junk stays stored in our body if we don’t process it!).

It’s truly my belief that our greatest woe, is our greatest gift to share with the world.

And that, dear reader…that’s why I’m here.

Love, love, love,
Danielle

P.S. Anti-diet culture does not teach this, it’s just something I began to think. This is why I do feel it’s so important to find an Intuitive Eating counselor to support you through the shift from diet culture to anti-diet culture.

P.P.S. Thank you to the Rev. Callie Swanlund for creating a “Guilt + Grace Hour.” It’s a time we come together in community to let go of something that’s been taking up space in our head/heart. For me, that’s been finding the space to write - so I finally did it!